a virgin birth

we went to a beautiful midnight christmas eve mass tonight at a priest's house. the service was intimate and very blessed. as i sat during mass, i kept thinking about how mary must have felt when she had to have her baby in a barn. that really must have been the last straw for her - i know it would have been for me! i tried to imagine what it would be like today, if god called me to do what mary did - say i was engaged to be married, busy with planning my wedding - picking out cakes and flowers and dresses, excited about the future, with everything all planned out - where we'll live, when we'll have children, and all of a sudden god comes and he's like, hey. you're going to have a baby. now. what would my family say?! or my friends? would they even believe that a virgin birth was possible? honestly, come on. who would believe that one these days? i would probably feel totally humiliated. everything i had been planning for would have to change. every single plan i had for the future would completely and totally be turned upside down.

and i go through the months, trying to trust what god is doing here, and then, when i'm nine months pregnant, i have to go on this ridiculous trip with my fiancee. and its long and its tiring and we've been walking down the streets of a busy city for hours and hours, and all of a sudden, i'm in labor and we need to find a place to have this baby fast. and in some crazy way, everything around us is either closed or full. and so the only place to have my baby is in a dirty alleyway filled with dumpsters and garbage and a few stray animals, on some cardboard boxes. now this is the part that really kills me. at this point, i think i would start to doubt what god was doing here. seriously, god? you want your baby to be born in an alley? after everything that's happened, i can't even get a comfortable bed or a nice room or something? geez this is your freaking son! don't you want him to have anything nice? and the labor is hard and so tiring and i'm exhausted, and jesus comes and is wrapped in some old towels, lying on the cardboard boxes, and some homeless guys come and start worshipping him, because an angel appeared to them and told them about him, and they followed a star to find us. i'd probably be totally freaked!

and then, a few weeks later, some secret service type guys sent by the government come to check out this baby. and they bring him gifts! of money and jewelry (maybe some bling) and just completely lavish over him. and they say that they're going to quit their jobs and not go back to work for the government anymore because they've found a new king. holy smokes! i wouldn't even know what to think by now.

i can't imagine the incredible amount of gracefulness and selflessness mary offered god when she realized she was going to have to birth her child in a barn, surrounded by filth and farm animals and on hay?! has anyone ever lain on hay? gross! god really, this is the king of the world and you want me to have him in a barn? are you kidding me? i know that would be my attitude. but i bet that wasn't mary's attitude. and that's why god picked her. because he knew she would be willing to change all her plans. and he knew she would trust him, even when he called her to have her baby in a barn. and that she wouldn't freak out when a bunch of dirty shepherds came in because an angel sent them. or when guys who work for caeser came by and offered her baby super snazzy presents, and told her that he was their new king.

i want to be more like mary.