a bit torn about the way things are. it feels like instead of my perpetual one step forward, two steps back i've now graduated to two steps forward, one step back. which is progress, but disappointing progress at that. and i see that slow and steady path, i see my calm, calculated steps, like a chess piece gliding across its board. i hate when it goes from carefree and good to feeling like a game with rules that are hard and fast, no room for bending. i usually find solace somewhere between the grey and the black and white, if such a place exists. but lately i've just been feeling stretched out along the two, the difference between stones and branches. trying to break things that don't, and hold things that won't.

i just want to find a rhythm, something i can move to, something i can breathe in deeply and sing to. something that is measured and contained with notes and patterns, but free enough to create a little chaos.

watching the cards fall, let's measure up to more, shall we?