caught somewhere between sodom and gommorah and calvary.
the closer i get, the harder the fall and its
a really really long way down.
and there's a big difference.
i'm thankful, more than my mind can even comprehend, to be caught by hands of grace.
we're all caught and
it's the only thing we have.
the only thing
i have.
but i hate the realization that
the path to hell is paved with...
people like me.

so i normally don't post anything in my blog with real people reading it in mind, but my church has been doing this co-exist series and one of the topics was catholicism. my pastor andy asked for some insider secrets (you know, opus dei, illuminati, anything you'd read about in a dan brown novel type stuff that only catholics know about). and anyway...i was excited for the opportunity to share my thoughts because it's something that is close to my heart - the catholic/protestant relationship is very much woven into who i am. so i wrote a lot about the things i see within the church that i wish others who know little about catholicism would understand (namely protestants, as i feel this is where the most debate and conflict against the church occurs) and also ways i continue to be moved by my catholic upbringing. andy encouraged me to share what i sent him with others as well, and since it's important to me, i thought i would.

 note there's a few tongue-in-cheek comments throughout, i'd hate for sarcasm and light jest to be mis-interpreted as insensitivity.

-         Roots and Tradition

The Catholic roots are deep, they stem from Christ. All principles the Church was founded on was established by these early church fathers. There is a strong unity that has always been present, connects a people to their past, grounded in doctrine that dates back to Christ. (While I see problem that creates – loss of relevance, things that become obsolete due to time, etc. there is still good here). There is a beauty, reverence in those traditions. There is a sacredness that is a part of the way Catholics worship through the mass. There is a connectedness to the past – I feel like it becomes a heritage. These are my people, in a way. It can be related to the Jewish faith – the Israelites were the people of God, His followers, in the same way, the Catholic Church became the universal following of Christ. Like Israelites, the Catholic Church has a lot in its history in which it has strayed from God – and those ways are still ever-present, but that doesn’t necessarily mean Catholics still cannot be considered a people of God.  (Unlike the Israelites, they’re obviously not the only people of God, but for the metaphor’s sake…you get it.) And for the Israelites, in addition to them following God’s commands (i.e. the scriptures), where they came from and where they are rooted has huge implications to who they are and where they are going.  Obviously, the rule ‘this is how it’s always been done, therefore, this is how it must always be’ isn’t acceptable, but I believe that so many things a part of the Catholic faith are really rooted in deep truths that were established by the first Christians.

Another really big thing about this tradition is that with scriptures – there have been years and years of groups of people studying and interpreting and wrestling with scripture. There is little room for anyone to completely go off the deep end and misconstrue scripture like we see happening today in areas of Christianity, because scripture study really becomes communal in the Catholic Church.

Anyway, being raised in the faith – although there are numerous ways that I felt no relevance within the church whatsoever, I was still raised with having this reverence and awe, even though I didn’t know why. I often say that in spite of my Catholic upbringing I still found Christ, because it didn’t exactly lead me there, but now that I have faith, I look back on those Catholic traditions and see an incredible amount of significance and beauty present, stuff that really is holy and good. 

Speaking of sacred stuff, the Catholics really are all about keeping things sacred – they have the sacraments, which, when understood, are really beautiful and essential to living a life of faith.

-         Confession

I know this is sort of a hot button issue with the big Catholic/Protestant debate, but I definitely side with Catholics on this one. I totally get the not believing a person can absolve you of your sins, only God can absolve you of your sins thing (and who do Catholic priests think they are, God?!), however – Christ scripturally gives us (everyone) the authority to forgive sins, I really believe this is an incredible way to keep its congregation accountable in a way that is completely confidential, unbiased, and freeing. I believe that God created us as ritual people for a reason, and he put us in community in order that we would be able to understand His character (if we had no frame of reference for love, hearing God loves us would mean nothing) and I think that there is something that happens inside of us when we can tell someone our junk, the ways that we’ve wronged one another and God – and visibly watch their reactions, hear their insight, and then audibly be reassured through one another that God does forgive us, loves us, we are absolved of our sins. I don’t think most priests I know believe that they’re given some sort of magical power to absolve us lowly people’s sins, in fact, I think they’re very humbled by it. It’s a powerful thing. And it makes it easier on people – because they don’t have to worry that someone they confide in is going to air their dirty laundry or that they’ll be kicked out of their congregation if they’re up front about the things they’ve done – priests are under such strict vows that are taken so seriously, as leaders of their church, it’s definitely a beautiful model of the head of a church taking on the sins of its congregation and presenting them to God as Christ did.    

-         Service/missions

Catholics are on the forefront of social justice – this isn’t to say that there aren’t so many protestants involved in missions, but Catholics have such an incredible array of hands and feet all over the world. I think the big difference is that (and whether or not this is a good thing is debatable) many Catholic Churches and organizations that are working around the globe are doing so with a focus of service – people who need food, shelter, care, education, etc. – while I think the protestant focus can often lend itself to evangelization, which is really good, but begs the question – it’s good that people now know Christ and can go to heaven someday, what are we doing for their lives right now?

-         Vocations

This is maybe weird, but I really, really think it’s cool that the Catholic Church still maintains vows for celibacy. I know it’s gotten sad and corrupted with horrible scandals, but I think at the heart of this, it is something really good and powerful (and perhaps why it is under so much attack?). There is certainly scriptural basis for this, and I really love the idea of a person feeling called to devote their entire life to ministry – their mission becomes their primary and only focus.  I certainly don’t think there’s one right or correct way to lead a church, but there is something about a person who feels that the best way to serve Christ is through serving His people in the same way Christ did.

-         Prayers

A very wise Catholic I know once stood up to say a prayer at a public event. Before he began, he said, “I never address the Almighty Deity in public without honoring Him first through preparation,” and he took out a piece of paper that he’d written his prayer on. There’s something to say about a prayer here and there that has been thought out, meditated on, carefully constructed – Catholics are really good at this. Some of the most beautiful, insightful, deep prayers I’ve ever read or heard have been ones that have come from Catholic prayer books. There’s a book by Brian McLaren where he’s talking about this same idea and he sort of pokes fun of how the spontaneous prayers use the word ‘just’ about a bazillion times.

-         Philosophical/theological

If I’m going to give a really extreme generalization of Catholics versus Protestants, I’d have to say that Catholics have the brain and Protestants have the heart.  Catholics are so great at the doctrine and the really deep stuff and the intellect, but often neglect to factor in the heart and emotion behind humanity – the stuff that makes us able to even know God in the first place.  Most Catholics I know that are really invested in their faith are that way because of some sort of reason or fact or truth or series of reasons and facts and truths presented to them that made sense. It’s usually not some moving, emotional experience they had at bible camp in sixth grade. Anyway, both are equally important and essential to faith.

-         Seasons

This past Easter was the first Easter in my entire life I didn’t do Catholic-y things, and my eyes were completely opened to something really awesome. This kind of goes back to the whole tradition/sacraments thing, but I realized, as I went through lent and leading up into Holy Week – Catholics totally take the liturgical calendar seriously, and they do so in such a way that they allow themselves different seasons for worship, grieving, reflection, repentance, etc (once again, much like the Israelites) and lent is the period of mourning. It’s little stuff during lent, like exiting mass in silence and reflection, removal of flowers and life during Holy Week, the re-enactment of the passion of Christ. All up to Holy Thursday – the last supper, and Good Friday, in which I have memory upon memory of from my childhood – dark church, somber music, all around feeling of sorrow, like being at a funeral. Which made me realize – mostly, Protestants are all about the resurrection. It’s awesome. So totally awesome. But there isn’t a resurrection without a death. And for some reason, Catholics really resonate with the sufferings of Christ, from displaying the crucifix in church to mourning on Good Friday, so much so that there is a really deep sort of understanding into it.  It got me thinking about rhythms and seasons and there being a time for everything – I think the Catholic Church, although subtly, really pays attention to that and allows a purpose for each season.  There’s a great deal of preparation and careful consideration that goes into everything that is done.

On the other side, I do have qualms with the Catholic Church, but it’s what everyone else already knows and hears about.  The leadership thing sort of rubs me the wrong way. I sort of understand it, and I think it’s a really good idea in theory – (having the head of a church to be the example of Christ for everyone) sounds awesome, but in actuality, gets messy and weird, because people aren’t Christ, no matter how hard they try, etc.  And the Mary thing freaks me out, but that’s sort of a personal struggle, and all I have to say in relation to Protestantism is that at least Catholics acknowledge and celebrate women in scripture. But mostly - in maintaining tradition and ritual, there’s a lack of creativity and innovation in the Catholic Church that I see and feel. So it’s easy for God to become static. Stuck in a certain place at a certain time, and that’s the only place we can find Him dwelling. I definitely can’t get down with that.  However, on a much more specific and personal level, there is life and creativity and innovation flowing through individual followers of Christ all over the world, both Catholic and Protestant. I can’t imagine what would happen if all the good stuff from Catholicism and all the good stuff from Protestantism were to morph into one. We’d have the roots and tradition holding hands with the relevance and innovation. We’d have the intellect and the emotions together.  We’d have sacredness with creativity. We’d have an amazing Jesus superpower, like when all the Power Rangers would morph into that one giant thing and defeat evil.

But I guess ultimately, just wish more Protestants would be open to seeing the good parts about Catholicism. Because there is so much good there. And there are so many good people, who are sowing seeds into the kingdom of heaven there. It seems to me that overall in the Protestant community, the Catholic Church is all evil, all bad, even the establishment for the anti-christ (which seems a bit fanatic, to say the least) and so everything about it is completely disregarded, from beginning to end. And that’s sad because like it or not, it’s where we all in this present time and place, Catholic or Protestant, came from, and it’s a disservice to us as the church to completely disregard all that. There’s plenty of bad stuff. But there’s plenty of bad stuff all over Christianity. I think we should be able to pick apart the good stuff from the bad and mix it all together into our beliefs.

so that's that. in addition to an amazing discussion that andy led at church this evening. i really love having a wonderful friend and teacher who encourages messy conversations in order to be able to work through differences to see bigger and better things, to become closer to the heart of christ. i love these things that promote growth, stretching of boundaries in all of us. i want to be a part of building bridges. because god didn't send his son to condemn the world, but to save it.

things are nutty. between helping with wedding planning and showers, associated parties, new job things, old job things, getting ready to move all my junk from one home to another, craziness trying to register classes for fall, grad school looming overhead, summer adventuring planning (which has dwindled to a mere flicker), juggling between family things and friend things and everything else things - i am overwhelmed.

i normally like being busy, but i guess the past two years hasn't really lent itself to any sort of time management or much planning beyond a few weeks. being overwhelmed probably isn't a good reason not to plan for the future, but this is sort of why i really enjoy flying by the seat of my pants. no deadlines, no time commitments. no worrying that if i fail, i'll be letting people down or seriously screwing things up. yeah, that's probably not the best. a list of things i need to get better at...

and i kinda just want to go camping.

i had a dream
that i could fly
from the highest tree
i had a dream.

something about drops of water coming from the sky in sheets so you can't see, about bright flashes of light and big rumbling noises that just turns me into a little kid again. it's exciting and scary and striking with awe and fear and everything all mixed into one.

it makes me feel alive, and i really like that feeling.

i think of growing up in muggy summer nights, ominous greens and clouds breaking at the brim of electricity. i think of bowling jokes, argument jokes, mythological tales told. the smell of rain and release, the feeling of the earth being cleansed and made new, fresh.

i always think as well of my first night in a foreign city, sleeping in a strange bed in a strange room. i think of that first night with its tumultuous storm and its thunder like i've never heard thunder before. rolling as if you could actually see it rippling through the sky, lasting and lasting and lasting. the loudest, longest sounds. i loved the sound of that thunder because it scared me, the anticipation of it coming with its blaring voice, knowing the jump you're about to have. yet at the same time, it was soothing, comforting - comforting to know that creation is powerful, and its creator. when i think of fearing i think of that kind of fear - that good kind, because it's soothing and exciting and so beautiful.

sometimes i love the way the world works.

he is our hope
he is love
he knew us before we knew ourselves
he is truth
he is justice
he is
el elyon


selah.

la la la.
i'm excited about the future.
and something about being on the up and up.