you know that feeling when you're away from home, as your journey begins to wind down and movement is in the midst, you really start looking forward to going back again and just getting home?

i usually feel this.

but today, after waking up, morning twelve of sleeping without an alarm clock, taking a leisurely walk to one of the four thai restaurants that are in a ten-block radius, enjoying a tasty meal with the company of a good book, a strong realization washed over me and stayed.

i happily exist here. its transition and change in my life has been so natural and comfortable that it feels like regular life to me. i could go on living like this.

i won't, because it happens to be about the most selfish decision i could make for myself right now, but i could. and i would love it.

i have always said, and have had numerous conversations with others about, the particular energy and vibe that is given off by this place. i cannot speak for others and their experiences in the northwest, but as for my own, i have been blessed to discover a tiny niche that exists. a group of individuals that has come together through so many different facets of common ground. a thread of communion has banded these people together strongly - this communion is based in bringing out the best in one another. it's mostly through creativity, through imagination that breeds fun. but there is such a childlike innocence to this fun - and a safe space that encompasses people to let guards down and just enjoy the sheer presence of life in our midst. time doesn't seem to be moving too quickly, and obligations are mingled into the routine with ease and joy, everything else just seems to float away. nothing is taken too seriously, and yet fun, carefree times are often seasoned with deep, meaningful exchanges. about the world and about one another. it's beautiful, and sometimes a bit messy, but not heavy or overwhelming.

i've been so angry and hard on myself, and i see how impractical that's been. how not life-giving it is for me and for others.

and my response many times on this journey, to things i know little about, to lifestyles and worldviews that look vastly different to my own, has simply been, there is a multitude of love to be given in this world.

and i mean it. i am learning to love humanity, to love people. to see others in the beat of their own journeys. and to intersect and align ourselves together for this small time.

i see life, life, life. and i have really been enjoying listening. and discovering.