a few tumultuous weeks. world-class traveling, gma on the rocks, late nights, a little bit of going back in time, even.

i'm hoping to stand on solid ground, for a short time anyhow. cleveland's been so good to me, like the way a mattress sinks and confroms to your body falling back, welcoming me, healing me, sitting with me. but soon, i can feel, i need to make my peace. i guess i've been feeling this way for awhile now, and certainly voicing it - although there's been no clear direction behind those words. but the past month(s) have changed perspective on many things. my intentions for cleveland, my planned purposes for this place, the things i saw in here - they don't stand in front of me anymore. it's like i just keep stepping back and back and back, and the scene gets bigger and bigger as things that used to be so close and huge to me become smaller. wow.

so i got over this thing. it was a pretty big thing, with really deep roots, that i knew were deep, but they were infinitely deeper than i thought. and getting over it, maybe that doesn't seem like a huge deal to anyone else. but to me, it's everything. it's probably the biggest thing i've ever accomplished. it's so unbelievably remarkable to me. this new found clarity, this leaving of an incredibly ambiguous time in my life, that's huge. i feel like i can actually do anything i want to do. that's reality to me now. i spent a really long time being almost there. now i'm there.

it's exciting. i feel relaxed in a way i haven't in a very long time. and i don't need to leave cleveland, but in a way, i do. it represents a lot of the past, where i was going, thought i wanted to go. but there are new things. the stepping back and seeing the bigger things that were before, beyond my vision. and i have big dreams.