the other night after church, i had a beautiful conversation with lovely people, all of whom encompass so much wisdom and intelligence. i left feeling so refreshed, like i had been breathing in clean air. it was a delight.

it got me thinking about faith things, about things like 'being saved' and only reading one specific version of the bible, or handing out tracts to strangers in order to invite them to christ. these things, all in all, feel so wrong to me. there's something deep inside of me that tightens up and presses in, causing me to hold my breath for fear that if this is the truth, i don't think i can stomach it. and so i create within myself mini-crises, because i worry that what i believe is wrong. i worry that seeing god everywhere is a cop-out. i worry that believing in rescuing people from their own hell now isn't as good as rescuing them from the idea of an eternal hell later on. i worry that selflessly serving others is just an after thought, rather than the forefront of following christ. that maybe the forefront really IS just getting people 'saved', making sure they're going to heaven.

but then there's this feeling i get when talking about the things i really believe to be true about following christ. that love really is the law of the land, not justice on people that we think are 'sinful'. that god really is everywhere, and he calls over and over and over for selfless service. not for bible tracts. that following jesus is about the here and now first, not the distant afterworld. and it's not an emotion that i feel, or a longing for these things to be true. it's something that resonates deep in my core, in my soul, that shouts a resounding yes. these are the things we're meant to live for. these things are truth, and nothing else really matters.

i hope i never become so legalistic that i miss out on the way god moves through the branches of the trees.