i was up high, above white, fast and freeing - with wind blowing faster and colder, stinging my face like i've not felt before. it was there i felt alive, i felt something i cannot express with words - an ominous sky growing colder and more miserable, ready to burst forth its storm, and that moment was made for me. for me, from you, so that i may know i am free and alive, i'm not scared of anything, i'm infinite in you, i face no defeat. we are fearfully and wonderfully made, i'll shout from the tops of mountains and from the bottoms of valleys. we are here with fistfuls of dreams and longings for you, for more and more of you, reaching and stretching to give ourselves to you. we stop only for brief moments, when flesh gets the best of us and we pull back, afraid, comfort in darkness. only to realize flesh pales, dims, dies away fast in comparison to your breathtaking, torch-bearing ways.

and this heart inside of my chest, has it ever swelled so much for you? have i ever been so eager for your comings and goings inside of my tiny life? i want it - even if its adversity, even if my body aches and breaks in a million different ways, even if it means every fear and hesitation coming to fruition - as long as it means you, i want it. it's never so clear, so perfect as that - it's you.

in messy, awkward ways, in broken beating ways. in darkness, in misery and pain, in agonizing and humiliating ways. make me yours with love and grace, endless, glorious mercies.

thankful for these eyes you've given me to see your beautiful sights. they're nearly too much in these moments. as you hover close, i close my eyes in the midst of so much love.