Sunday, June 14, 2009

make known to me your ways,
Lord; teach me your paths.
guide me in the truth and teach me,
for you are God my savior.
- psalm 25:4-5

i have heard your prayers and have seen your tears. i will heal you.
- 2 kings 20:5

once more will he fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with rejoicing.
- job 8:21

these three verses are the epitome of my past six months.

i am overwhelmed with emotion when i consider that.
the specifics don't matter anymore. all of those little details fall to the wayside, because what happened to me was quite simple and can be summed up nicely. i was broken. and he fixed me. he foretold to me these three things, and these three things he followed through with. because i got lost. because i let my compass get broken and lost direction, lost sight of his guiding star. i was so deep into the woods that it took an entire forest fire for me to find my way. and that fire was so hot and smoky and painful, i thought surely it was going to kill me. and all of those trees ached as they burned and blackened and fell and died all around. trees that were sacred, that had grown tenderly and affectionately all around me for such a long time.

but they had to go for me to find my way out.

and out i found, eventually, slowly, certainly not without running back into those raging flames a time or two. trying to stop that fire with a thimble full of water here or there. looking at all of that destruction and feeling so utterly hopeless. but there it was, the path for me to follow, in the clearing i could now see it, go to it, slowly, putting my foot out at first like testing the waters of a swimming pool, so slow at first. at times, flat out sitting down in an act of rebellion, not moving a single muscle. occasionally walking backwards. but then, with each step, slow and steady, his confidence grew inside of me. those steps were long and heavy at first. but that confidence i began to find in him turned out to be this little thing he does called healing, each step a little lighter than the one before. and progression, progression, i'm moving swiftly in the direction he's leading me.

and oh, that joy. it's been so long since that joy. it's not the isolated kind, coming from a good night out with friends or a compliment or a funny story. its the kind of joy that permeates your being. the kind of joy that happens when i can't even think about almighty without being filled with emotions of thanksgiving, praise, worship. when my world is no longer sluggish and dragging, because my soul is so energized. and i'm laughing so hard. because you are my joy, you are my joy.

a snapshot: i'm taking my time day by day, enjoying the moment, sleeping less and staying in less, because there's so much to do, so much life to experience, so many things to embrace and be in love with. and i'm this new thing. i've never been this thing before! i'm looking back with these new eyes that can see nothing but optomism, because i grew and changed and learned. because i'm growing and changing and learning. and because my god took me through something big and difficult and utterly agonizing. but he's faithful, he's so faithful! faithful and there he was on the other side, and there he is, as he always was, as he always will be - with something redeeming, life changing, breathtaking.

and i can't wait for the rest.

1 comment: