contemplating conditional feelings.

i guess the quicker you are to give up on things, the less they meant to you in the first place. which is funny. because that seemed to be the case a lot. looking for reasons out. looking for ways things were wrong, in which the only solution could be giving up. i guess that's been the problem all along. there wasn't any strength for fighting. i should've seen it coming.

and i really don't believe permenance or lifelong commitment makes a difference. if you don't have the strength now, what makes you think you're going to have the strength then? it's not about perfect situations or perfect people. its about the way you face adversity. things will go wrong. they always do. welcome to the human condition. welcome to a world fallen to sin. i'm realizing what truly matters is how much you are willing to give and how much you are willing to fight past the bad things. it's the only way you could ever truly make something meaningful. something perfect. because in the eyes of evil, perfection means pushing past the bad things, overcoming the problems, not being defeated. being stronger because of it.

but maybe it's just pride in me, not wanting to accept that i just wasn't worth it.